And many times, clueless or insensitive remarks or behavior can make the situation much worse.  I know this from personal experience (hence my new self-proclaimed nickname, “The Downsized Diva”). I was laid off twice, forced to deliver bad layoff news to others repeatedly, and managed to cling to my job through more layoff purges than I can count. I have also heard dozens of layoff horror stories from my clients, friends, and colleagues.

All of this horrible experience has helped me to identify some layoff etiquette tips that can make the whole ugly situation a little bit less painful for everybody.

For The Laid-Off

Okay, so you are understandably upset and angry.  You probably don’t care about etiquette or making life easier for your boss or co-workers right now.  However, if you’re able to remain calm and polite (just until you get out of the building…then you can drink tequila and curse your boss’ ancestors freely), you can make the best of a bad situation.

• Don’t make it personal. Don’t take the layoff personally and don’t hurl personal insults at the boss delivering the bad news. Your manager probably isn’t happy about laying you off and, in the long run, you’ll benefit more from his glowing recommendation than that brief moment of satisfaction from telling him off.
  

• Politely ask for what you want. If you can keep the layoff discussion reasonably civil, you stand a much better chance of getting what you want from your boss. She may not have the power to negotiate on the terms of the severance agreement, but she can provide a recommendation, job leads, or just some extra time to pack up your belongings and access your computer files.

• Don’t badmouth the company or your boss. Save your trash talk for your close friends and family. Let your managers and colleagues see you as a class act and a true professional (even if you’re silently wishing them bodily harm). They will be much more likely to think of you when a job lead or opportunity comes up.
  

For The Manager Laying Off

• Break the news in a considerate way. If you can, deliver the bad news one-on-one before your employee has to hear about their impending unemployment from the office gossip. Even worse: Learning that you’ve been downsized when your key card or computer password mysteriously stops working. Wimpy managers put off the layoff discussion because they know it will be unpleasant. Think about how you would want to be treated in the same situation and act accordingly (within the rules set by your HR department, of course).

• Show respect. You are not a superior human being just because you happen to be sitting on the powerful side of the desk in this layoff conversation. In some cases, you may be downsizing someone more competent and qualified than you are.  Either way, your employee deserves respect and compassion during this very difficult conversation.

• Don’t expect any sympathy. This isn’t about you. The person you’re laying off is not going to shed any tears about the stress you’re feeling right now, so don’t even think about asking for pity (and yes, this happens a lot).

For The Colleagues Who Escaped the Layoff Axe

• Be sympathetic, but not too sympathetic. Do express your regrets and offer encouraging words. Don’t act like your colleague’s world is ending. Everyone appreciates a little empathy, but most people don’t want (or need) your pity.

• Offer your help and support. For departing colleagues that you like and respect, make it clear that you can be counted upon for contacts, advice, and a sympathetic ear. Go out of your way to forward  appropriate job leads whenever you see them.

• Stay in touch. Don’t wait around for your favorite ex-colleagues to call you and ask for help. Email to check in regularly. Do NOT start every conversation with, “So, have you found a new job yet?” That just creates added pressure and leads to awkward conversations. Eventually, your former friends will start avoiding you simply to avoid that question.
• Throw a great goodbye party. Take your downsized pal out for a night of fun and be sure to pick up the tab. Invite the rest of the department or make it a party of two (let your ex-colleague decide which is most appropriate).

Other thoughts on layoff etiquette? Examples of bad layoff behavior? I want to read them.

This year, you may be feeling even more cynical about your performance review prospects than usual. You know how bosses always blame piddly raises and uninspiring bonuses on budget constraints (”If it were up to me, I’d give you a huge bonus!”)? Well, this year they will almost definitely be telling the truth.

But recent studies show that most companies are still planning to give raises in 2009 — approximately 3.5%  on average.  The bad news is that companies are also planning to lay workers off and raise employee contributions for health care.

So this year, your performance review represents more than just an opportunity to justify that 3.5% raise. It’s your chance to document your value to the company, strengthen your internal brand, and improve your chances of staying employed in 2009 (if that’s the sort of thing you’re into).

Yes, your performance review is really a marketing campaign. While good performance is no guarantee of keeping your job, you’re far likelier to keep those paychecks coming (and even make more money) if you can demonstrate how much the company and your manager would suffer without you around.

So whether you’re looking for a salary bump, a sweet bonus, or just a little extra insurance against a pink slip in 2009; here are some helpful tips for making your performance review pay off in the cold, hard world of late-2008 Corporate America.

1. Understand How The System Works — Every company is different when it comes to managing the performance review process. You can’t work the system until you know exactly who makes the decisions, when they’re made, and what factors are considered most critical. At some companies, salary and bonus numbers are set even before performance review meetings are scheduled. In that case, you’ll have to do some guerilla internal marketing well before your review date.

2. Understand Your Manager’s Point of View — Make your boss your best friend during performance review time. Even if many of the big decisions are made higher up on the corporate ladder, your boss probably wields significant power over your personal circumstances. He may not control whether layoffs will happen, but he probably has some say over who will be impacted. He may not decide on the amount of the department’s bonus pool, but he probably has power over how it gets divvied up. Understand your manager’s priorities and what’s keeping him up at night. Then focus on demonstrating how you make his work life easier and earn your keep.

3. Do Your Homework — Have you been keeping careful track of all of your accomplishments this year? If not, it’s time to spend a few hours digging through your files to assemble an impressive list of your greatest hits in 2008. Don’t expect your manager to remember all of your accomplishments when year-end rolls around. You have to sell yourself and your work in your performance review. This is no time to be humble or shy.

4. Think Like A Marketer — The key to great marketing is understanding your customers and demonstrating how your products/services make their lives better.  So be sure to frame all of your accomplishments to show the tangible benefits for your company and your manager.  Make sure you have a clear sense of where priorities lie today (especially if they have shifted since you set your annual goals). How can you build your personal brand internally (for more about personal brands, check out Dan Schawbel’s awesome blog) so that your manager feels like she can’t live without you?

5. Use Numbers And Examples — You can’t rely on generalities. Cite numbers and evidence wherever you can. How much money did you save the company? How many customers wrote you complimentary emails? Everybody claims greatness in their performance reviews. But how many can prove it?

6. Tell A Good Story — If you don’t have hard numbers, try to come up with some compelling stories about those times that you went the extra mile to save the day.  Did you pull an all-nighter to meet the deadline? Did you come up with a creative idea that wowed the CEO? Did you rework a process to save your boss hours every week? In a good performance review story, you’re the hero who rescues the company from the dragon. Talk about a great personal brand! Just don’t get too creative and pull a James Frey — your boss might just respond by pulling an Oprah when he finds out.

7. Don’t Be Defensive — Be prepared to hear criticism during your performance review.  It’s part of your manager’s job to identify areas where you can improve. So don’t get defensive and snappish if your boss dares to point out that you’re not perfect. In fact, you should try to anticipate potential critiques — and prepare professional counterpoints if appropriate — before you walk in that door. Embrace any criticism that is mild and easily addressed (”Why yes, my files are a bit messy. How insightful! I will have them tidy and color-coded by 5PM.”) Even if you get blindsided by comments that seem unfair, take a deep breath and resist the urge to snap. Ask for clarification. Then, if you still disagree, make your case calmly and rationally.

8. Deliver An “October Surprise” — Like Janet Jackson, most managers want to know: “What have you done for me lately?” Follow the example of those wily politicoes and announce a major score right before performance reviews. In politics, an “October Surprise” is a bit of good news that conveniently comes out just before the election.  Is there a deal you can close or a brilliant idea you can propose at just the right moment?

9. Show Some Attitude – Managers are only human. They’d rather give the biggest raise or bonus to somebody they like. Work shouldn’t be a popularity contest, but never underestimate the value of being likable. Show that you’ve got a positive attitude and a can-do spirit (even if you have to fake it). That doesn’t mean you have to kiss boss butt, but it probably couldn’t hurt.

10. Get Creative — So what happens when you wow your manager with your accomplishments and brilliance, but there’s still no budget for the raise or bonus you deserve? Try a little creative negotiation. Are there perks you can ask for that won’t cost your company a lot of cash? If your manager loves you but can’t show you the money, leverage her guilt and goodwill to ask for telecommuting privileges, flexible hours, or extra vacation days. A fat raise is nice, but a little extra flexibility could be worth much more in the long run if it helps you improve your work/life balance.

MyCorporation.com will let anyone register a new corporation or LLC for free from 6 a.m. until 6 p.m. Pacific time on November 11 (they normally charge $129 and up to file your incorporation forms online). Use the coupon code FREE149 to get the discount.

MyCorporation.com is an online filing service that supports entrepreneurs with incorporation, trademarks, copyrights, and other business forms. MyCorporation is a service of Intuit, the company that makes Quicken and Quickbooks (which has saved me lots of headaches in managing my company’s finances) .

And speaking of freebies for entrepreneurs from Intuit, you can try out the Simple Start version of Quickbooks for free. They also have an online community for entrepreneurs and small business owners that provides lots of free advice.

I can only imagine how many times Barack Obama was told to give up on his “unrealistic” presidential goals. After all, it was clearly a tremendous long shot.  U.S. voters weren’t ready to elect an African-American candidate as President (remember the Bradley effect). Besides, Obama was inexperienced. And what about that middle name “Hussein”?

I will leave the in-depth analysis of Obama’s win to the eight zillion pundits and political bloggers who have been living and breathing the election for months. Obviously, Obama is a symbol of hope in many ways for many people.

However, as a passionate advocate for those seeking meaningful and fulfilling work, I want to point out that he is also a perfect example of someone who followed his passion and triumphed in spite of significant obstacles.

Barack Obama never escaped from Corporate America. But he has made many courageous and non-traditional career choices — all of which helped guide him to the White House.  He graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School and took a job as a community organizer. “Community organizer” was certainly not the most lucrative or prestigious choice to make (just ask Sarah Palin). Obama could have easily opted for a more traditional path and accepted a position at a law firm or as a corporate attorney. I’m sure many wise people advised him that he would never make any money as a community organizer.

But Obama followed his principles and his passions. They led him to the Illinois Senate, and then to the U.S. Senate (after an unsuccessful run for the U.S. House of Representatives). And now, he’s preparing to move his family and new puppy into the White House. Oh yeah, and  along the way, he also became a bestselling author (so much for those predictions that he’d never make any money).

So what is Obama’s lesson for career changers? Don’t let anybody tell you that your dream is impossible or unrealistic. Your goal may very well be a long shot, but that doesn’t mean you can’t achieve it. It may take a lot of hard work and some temporary sacrifices and discomfort, but so what? Nothing worth achieving is easy.

A tough economy doesn’t mean you should give up on your dreams and settle. It just means that you’ll have to be smarter and more resourceful to get what you want. You’ll have to be patient if it takes a little bit longer before you can quit that day job and pursue your dream full-time. But don’t wait to start your planning and take your first steps.

Barack Obama didn’t wait around for racism to go away or for someone to ask him to step up. He went after what he wanted with every bit of energy and passion that he could summon. And now he’s the President-Elect of the United States of America.

So what are the obstacles on the path to your career dream? What can you do to overcome them? What would Barack Hussein Obama do? You really can achieve any goal if you’re willing to devote the same energy and passion to them that Obama devoted to his campaign. You can do it. Yes, you can.

“It’s been a long time coming,” Obama told a jubilant crowd in Chicago last night after winning the presidency of the United States, “but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment, change has come to America.”

Don’t you just love Halloween? It’s a chance to cut loose, score free candy, and dress up as your favorite fantasy. I guess it’s no surprise that some of those fantasies involve dream career paths not taken.

And why not? For most of us, “career” means more than just a job. What we do for a living is a big part of who we are. I know that I have changed immeasurably in the four years since I escaped from Corporate America and changed careers. That’s partly because my new career forces me to get out of my comfort zone on a regular basis, try new things, and meet new people. It’s also because I can finally truly be myself now that I no longer have to pretend to be the perfect corporate employee.

People are almost as likely to fantasize about a new career (and by extension, a new life) as about a new sexual partner. Sometimes the two fantasies go hand in hand — as they seem to with all of the “Sexy Occupation X” costumes.

Why else would so many people live out their fantasy careers through their Halloween costumes on October 31st? I caught some great photos at the NYC Village Halloween Parade this year. Some people dressed as career fantasies and others as career nightmares (photos after the jump).

Segway Pirate

Airline Pilot

Nurse

Joe the Plumber

Joe the Trader

As a part-time writer/editor for About.com,  I was actually there as part of my job and my costume was Escaped Corporate Inmate.

What did you dress up as for Halloween?

1. Everything You Say and Do Will Be Recorded by 2030. “By the late 2010s, ubiquitous unseen nanodevices will provide seamless communication and surveillance among all people everywhere. Humans will have nanoimplants, facilitating interaction in an omnipresent network.” This is the terrifying one, at least from my perspective. It’s bad enough that our emails are recorded. Soon we will have to worry about every stupid thing we say coming back to haunt us someday.

2.  Careers, and the college majors for preparing for them, are becoming more specialized. “Instead of simply majoring in business, more students are beginning to explore niche majors such as sustainable business, strategic intelligence, and entrepreneurship. Other unusual majors that are capturing students’ imaginations: neuroscience and nanotechnology, computer and digital forensics, and comic book art.” I like the idea of colleges and companies offering more diverse opportunities for people to find work that they love. And I love the idea of being able to major in comic book art. I do worry a little bit that super-specialization can make it easier to get trapped in the wrong narrow niche. A focus on career specialization should be accompanied by plenty of support in exploring your options before you commit to a course of study.

3.  Professional knowledge will become obsolete almost as quickly as it’s acquired. “Most professions will require continuous instruction and retraining. Rapid changes in the job market and work-related technologies will necessitate job education for almost every worker. At any given moment, a substantial portion of the labor force will be in job retraining programs.” This may sound a little bit daunting (after all, how are we going to fit more training into our already-overstuffed schedules?). At the same time, I am thrilled at the prospect of companies offering employees resources to continuously evolve and grow. It will be a lot harder to get stuck in a bad career if all careers are constantly changing and periodic career changes are viewed as standard operating procedure for all workers.  The average American worker already changes careers several times over the course of a lifetime. Won’t it be nice to have more resources and support when it’s time to change things up in our work lives?

Read up on the World Future Society’s other predictions — including their forecasts for the death of the car, the growth in urbanization, and the evolution of religion in the Middle East.

Oh yeah, and I also spent a few days visiting my hometown in the battleground state of Pennsylvania. Trust me when I say that political tensions are high in the Keystone State and I have seen enough campaign ads to last me the rest of my life.

So what’s been going on while I’ve been reworking resumes and boondoggling in Scranton, PA? Here are a few things that I’ve been meaning to bring to your attention.

• Congratulations to Project Runway Winner Leanne Marshall — I was thrilled to watch talented designer Leanne Marshall make a major career breakthrough on Bravo last night. She was crowned the Project Runway Season Five winner and won $100,000 to launch her business (along with a new car and other goodies). The 27-year-old Marshall was previously paying the bills as a graphic designer while she worked to hit it big in the fashion biz. The creatively gifted runner-up, Korto Momolu, also seems destined to make a name for herself in fashion. But will she give up her side gigs as a freelance photographer, African dancer, and hair braider? Korto is a perfect example of making a portfolio career work. Congratulations, ladies!

• Goodbye to Life’s Work — Lisa Belkin, the always-insightful New York Times Life’s Work columnist, is ending her column after nine years of covering career issues. Her last column sums up what she’s learned over the years (the biggest lesson being that there are no easy answers to the work/life balance question).
• Recession Relocation Ideas — BusinessWeek has identified the safest cities to live in during a recession — they include Washington, DC; Madison, Wisconsin; and Philadelphia, PA.
• Where Happy People Work — Check out this great roundup of the most enjoyable jobs in the U.S. from Payscale.com writer Kristina Cowan. The list is based on results from a recent University of Chicago study. You might be surprised to see that none of these jobs are particularly well-paying.
  
  

It was a great episode. Unlike some fans, I’m not obsessed with the Jim/Pam romance thing (even though I think John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer are awesome). The highlights for me were 1) the humble return of Temp Ryan and his subsequent groveling to Kelly and her tapeworm; 2) another glimpse of Dwight with his rumpled, half-dressed, post-workplace-nookie glow; and 3) an update on my man Toby and his sad escape attempt from Corporate America. It was so nice to have them all back.

The warm, fuzzy feelings got me thinking that Dunder Mifflin Scranton might not be such a terrible place to work. Yes, the boss is totally incompetent and inappropriate and discriminates on the basis of race, gender, sexual orientation, and irrational dislike. Yes, employees spend their working lives devoted to the manufacture and sale of office paper. But a career at Dunder Mifflin can have its advantages too:

1) Flex-time — At Dunder Mifflin, it’s no problem to take time away from the office to maintain that elusive work/life balance. Pam is apparently on a sabbatical to study design in New York. Jim takes very long lunches for romantic rendezvous. Dwight and Angela take frequent bomp-chicka-wow-wow breaks in the supply room. Phyllis took time out of her work day for a long workout (even if it wasn’t intentional).

2) Every employee is special — The Dunder Mifflin party planning committee makes sure that every employee’s birthday is celebrated with cake (or fruit if they’re too fat) and conference room camaraderie. When an employee is feeling sad and weak from hunger, she is encouraged to stand on a chair and hear positive commentary about her butt and wardrobe choices. And if an HR rep believes than an employee is a little bit extra “special,” she will go out of her way to support him.

3) You get to live in Scranton — What could be better than living in close proximity to both the Anthracite Museum (with its awesome ride) and the Steamtown Mall? Here I must reveal that I have spent a lot of time in Scranton, PA over the course of my life. I grew up in a town that is approximately an hour away from Scranton and so small that we had to drive to Scranton for such cosmopolitan fun as shopping at a mall or getting served at a “club.” I still have fond Scranton memories of drinking underage and shopping at Claire’s Boutique.

4) It’s better than a Costa Rican hospital — Poor Toby. He summoned up the courage to quit his job and move to Costa Rica and ended up trapped in a full-body cast. Let his experience be a cautionary tale for all of us. When escaping from Corporate America, always remember safety first!

I read Gerard Butler’s inspiring story in the latest issue of Men’s Health and couldn’t resist featuring it here on the blog (and not only because it would give me an excuse to post a shirtless Gerard Butler photo to pretty up the site).

You see, Butler was president of the University of Glasgow Law Society and thought he had made it when he landed a position at a prestigious law firm after graduation. Unfortunately, he was miserable as a lawyer. “I was drinking constantly. I hated my life,” he told Men’s Health.

It wasn’t until Butler saw a production of Trainspotting in 1995 that he suddenly felt alive and certain that his true calling was acting. Others might have dismissed the idea as impractical. Butler gave his notice at the law firm and moved to London a week later to pursue an acting career.

Everyone he knew thought he was crazy, but that didn’t stop him. After a year of studying, Butler landed a role in the same production of Trainspotting that had originally inspired his career change. That role soon led to parts in high-profile films including Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, The Phantom of the Opera, and 300. Next up is Guy Ritchie’s new film, RocknRolla, and leading roles opposite Catherine Zeta-Jones and Katherine Heigl.

Butler’s story provides some valuable lessons for career changers:

1) Sometimes misery really is opportunity. “If I hadn’t been so lost and insane, I’d still be a lawyer,” Butler said. “Misery is a sign that someting is wrong, that your life is in need of some big changes.”

2) Forget about what other people think. “Everybody was laughing at me,” Butler recalled of his decision to quit his job. “Everybody was thinking that I’d just messed up my whole career.” I don’t suppose anyone is laughing at Butler anymore.

3) Make a commitment and work hard. Butler believes that “once you make a decision to do something, the universe starts to help you.” He also stresses that talent alone is almost meaningless unless you’re willing to work hard.

I wouldn’t recommend Butler’s impetuous approach to changing careers for most people. As tempting as it may be to quit tomorrow and move to London, you’re probably better off doing a bit of preparation first. Sure, Butler was able to make it work without much of a plan, but most of us are not quite as genetically blessed as he is (see photo above).

However, if you’re feeling as miserable as Butler was during his lawyer days, you owe it to yourself to start thinking about a change in direction.

Read the profile of Gerard Butler in Men’s Health.