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Top 7 Job Ideas for Hillary Clinton (Just in Case that Presidential Thing Doesn’t Work Out)

March 4th, 2008

The battle for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States is almost over. It has been a tight race, but one of our esteemed candidates will soon have to admit defeat and, as they say in corporate resignation announcements, “explore other opportunities.”

Just in case Hillary happens to be that candidate, I have taken the liberty of brainstorming some fall-back career ideas for her. Sure, she’ll still be a United States senator regardless of her delegate count, but we can hardly expect Hillary to stay satisfied with that job for long. Besides, it’s pretty clear that a couple of years as a U.S. senator is not enough to get you into the Oval Office. Maybe it’s time for Hillary to try some more adventurous career paths that will position her better for her next presidential campaign.

(I will helpfully provide the same service for Mr. Obama, Mr. McCain, and Mr. Huckabee in future blog posts)

1) Become a Fashion Icon

Hillary Clinton Pant Suit Fashion Icon Simply Hillary

Nobody rocks a pantsuit like Hillary Clinton. Now is the perfect time for her to launch her own line of fierce but professional pantsuit ensembles for the modern gal on the go. When you need to look authoritative yet approachable, you need to wear Simply Hillary.

2) Follow Al Gore’s Lead

Hillary Clinton Inconvenient Husband Truth

No other failed presidential candidate has managed to reinvent himself (and until now, they have all been hims) like Mr. Al Gore. The man has an Oscar, a Nobel Peace Prize, and lots of fawning celebrity friends. If Hillary can find her own Inconvenient Truth, she might just be able to parlay it into similar icon status. There’s no need for Hil to gain forty pounds and grow a lumberjack beard like Al did, though it wouldn’t hurt to try out an edgier look to go with her new image as an activist.

3) Team Up With Rudy

Hillary Clinton Rudy Giuliani Partners

Who needs politics when you can make a lot more money as a consultant? Just ask Rudy Giuliani. After leaving his post as mayor of New York City, Rudy established Giuliani Partners to provide high-priced consulting services to companies and governments. If Rudy can do it, why not Hillary? In fact, why not team up and do it together? A little bipartisan bridge building would make for good press for both of them and Hillary’s stake in Clinton Giuliani Partners would earn her plenty of green to pay for future campaigns.

4) Make Lattes

Hillary Clinton Starbucks Barista

If Hillary really wants to know what makes Americans tick, there’s no better way to learn than spending some time behind a Starbucks counter. Shaking hands at American Legions on the campaign trail is no substitute for really getting your hands dirty at the espresso machines. Just ask Michael Gill, the author of How Starbucks Saved My Life: A Son of Privilege Learns to Live Like Everyone Else, who says his time as a barista taught him valuable lessons about race relations and the life of the working class.

5) Get Lost

Hillary Clinton Lost Sawyer Freckles

What better way to connect with that key youth vote than by playing a featured guest star role on a popular prime time TV series? Hillary’s recent appearance on Saturday Night Live showed she’s not camera shy. I’d love to see Hillary show up in a recurring role on Lost –- perhaps as Mrs. Alvar Hanso or as a new Mrs. Robinson love interest for Sawyer. Then again, according to a recent New York article about Chelsea Clinton, Mrs. Clinton is a big fan of Gray’s Anatomy, so maybe she’d prefer to trade lines with McDreamy.

6) Get Real

Hillary Clinton Rock of Love Brett Michaels

If Hillary’s acting chops aren’t ready for prime time, there’s still a way to get TV attention and develop a following with younger voters. She can follow in the noble tradition of so many others with little performing talent and make an appearance on a popular reality show. After all, maybe Hillary’s tired of acting like a dignified, trustworthy public servant and is itching to bust loose. Maybe she’s ready to throw all of that dignity out the window and put on a show. She could strut her stuff in a sequined pantsuit on Dancing with the Stars or even mud wrestle for the affections of 80’s hair band stud Bret Michaels on Rock of Love.

7) Start a Magazine

Hillary Clinton H Magazine Cover Oprah Parody

If she opts not to rock Bret’s world, Hillary can always follow the example of the richest woman in entertainment and extend her brand by launching her own magazine. Hillary can become an even bigger household name by putting her smiling mug on the cover of H Magazine every month. She can even use the magazine as a platform for talking about important issues. Of course, if she wants to land the big advertisers, she’ll probably have to throw in a few features about her favorite lip glosses and Lindsay Lohan in order to keep things interesting.

Do you have thoughts on other alternative careers for Hillary Clinton? How about ideas for Obama, McCain or Huckabee? Which candidate hast the most promising career alternatives outside the Oval Office?

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